Cars....
I mean, Toy Cars…
So many of them, in many a colours, in many a sizes, strewn all over the house, in each and every room. Some under a bed or a cabinet, some enjoying the weather in the balcony, some in the washroom awaiting a bath, and very few in its rightful designated place i.e. inside a drawer. And the ones inside this toy-drawer mostly are all broken martyrs of my son’s tyranny over them. He, who is now turning 5, has been collecting these cars, rather making us gift them to him ever since he started wobbling. Never understood this boy-fascination with cars and wonder what did pre-car invention boys play with.
Nevertheless , every day I make an attempt to collect all this car-scatters, dump it in the drawer and every day I find them scattered all over again within a few mins of clearing them off. It has become one more of my never-ending household daily chores. But one day, rather some days, I frustrate out and decide to discard some of his cars while he is away from home.
I… make up my Mind.
But even before my discarding time comes by, I find my son making a pattern by placing all his cars in a particular sequence. Oh yeah! He makes these formations like a square, circle, rectangle, triangle, rocket, straight line, small to big or big to small, whatever that hits his imagination, from the time, before he even got introduced to analytics. I observe him gathering cars from all the rooms, places them in a unique sequence slowly and gradually, murmuring instructions to himself all the while, till it forms into a neat formation. After he is done, imagining that they are all neatly parked in a parking lot, he looks up and says “Mama look at this”. I see his pattern and smile hiding my pride for him and then I see his triumphant face, O Boy! my Heart melts.
And my Heart changes my Mind.
No trashing takes place and I happily carry on my routine of gathering and dumping. While this little game of Heart over Mind keeps re-occurring with me in so many other parenting situations as well, sometimes I have faced reverse.
Like this one, a month after my son joined a junior soccer camp for 4-6 years bracket. Barring the first day, he was always hesitant to go for the soccer classes. Though I managed to convince him and took him on all for all the classes that month but I had not found any enthusiasm in him to go out in the ground and play with the ball. He would mostly be quite, sitting on his ball, reluctantly dribble when instructed and always found a reason to take breaks. Finally one day, he came up to me with drooping shoulders, tired and a sad face after the class and said “Mama, I don’t like football, I don’t want to play, lets go home”.
My Heart went out all for him.
It was as if telling me that I should not be forceful parent and giving in to my heart, I told the coach that the next day, being the last day of the month, would be my son’s last day at the classes. Coach tried convincing me “Give it some more time” but I was firm.
Next day, while my son was in the ground, I got thinking, analyzing as to what could be the reason for my son not liking this camp. Maybe he is too young, maybe the coach is not good. But the other kids of his age are playing and playing well under the same coaching. Then maybe he is feeling neglected, maybe he hasn’t been able to make friends, maybe he gets bogged down by the competition, maybe he hasn’t completely understood the game as yet, maybe its too early to withdraw and maybe if I withdraw now itself, he will develop a phobia and never return to this sport. “Give it some more time” coaches’ last word start ringing in my ears.
My Mind overpowers now causing a change of heart.
Seeing my son play slightly better than other days, my Mind finally overtook my Heart. I was now hopeful and determined and paid the fees for the next month. What started after this, was teaching him whatever little I knew of the game, showing and explaining him the sport on youtube. Also and most importantly, coach increasing their interactions with him and cheering him up.
Its been 3 months now in the classes and my son happily competes to dribble the ball, dance after hitting the goal, gives a confident Hi-5 to his team-mates at their success. If not better, he is as good as the others and now its upto him as to how wants to take this sport forward. As of now he is happy and am glad to have listened to my mind for change.
Distinctively different from each other, the above situations do occur in some form or other in every parents life. As soon as the child happens, we are thrown with challenges like
- Early feeds- Mummy Feeds or bottle feeds
- Food- balancing taste and nutrition,
- Toys/Playtime/TV Time/I-Pad time- how much is too much,
- Their messy-Imaginative works- to wow or to scowl at it
- Their curious mind- feel proud of their quick learning or worry if they are also learning what they should not
- Identifying Child’s traits-shy/social, likes /dislikes, sportsy/artisty
- School- Reputation?, Curriculum??, Distance???, Fees????
Phew .. the list is endless and every small/big challenge asks for making a choice or a decision. Just like so many others decisions that we make in life with a mind vs heart equation, so it is in parenting. However taking decisions while Parenting, is perhaps more challenging and sends shudder at times. I mean, think about it, our children who will always remain our own little child to us, are finally different individual from us. They are their very own person. Yet, all our reactions to their behavior and all our actions on their upbringing-choices, even the choice we make for ourselves today are influencing and orienting their future personality.
Wow…
Nevertheless, Parenting gives a lot of joy to the heart and enriches our mind every new day. And as parents we can only hope that we are able to give a childhood to our kids, which remains well etched in their minds and forever cherishable in their hearts.
Amen!
